Shannon (shockwave) wrote,

Identity Crisis?!

Right now, I feel confused. Lots of confusion. I'm guessing it's all stemming from the fact that I feel like I want to go in a dozen different directions at once. And life is confusing for me.

All of this is because I don't know what to do. Or I do know what to do, but things get in the way. It's pretty damn tough living with OCD everyday and wanting to do something...but my friggin' mind holds me back. My quirks hold me back. And it's frustrating. Add to that spring fever and just wanting to be outside all the time. And also reaching out for human contact, but not knowing exactly who to turn to and not knowing what people think of me. And getting tired of supporting everyone else and wanting to be supported in turn.

And so I'm confused.

And there's a million things I could write about in this journal. When get confused about life, I usually retreat into a fantasy world in my head that really should be put down on paper. I've basically created a trilogy of books in my head that contains familiar characters and situations that I should be writing about, but instead I'm daydreaming about.

Before this spring, I kept on getting the feeling that something amazing was supposed to happen to me, but I'm not sure what it is. Hell, maybe I'm not sure who I am anymore, and maybe I have to pick definite directions. But then again, I know myself very well. Who knows?
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