Shannon (shockwave) wrote,

Letting Go of Pain...

Looking back on my life for the past few years, I've noticed that a major theme of those years was hurt. I've had a lot of good memories, and I try to keep those and reach out to them whenever I can, but I've been having trouble letting go of the hurt.

I've noticed that forgiveness is not an easy thing. Forgiveness sometimes feels like giving up and giving in. Almost like you condoning something someone did to you and saying it's all right, when nothing about it feels right. The thing is though, I've noticed something about myself-I still hold a lot of my anger with me. Sometimes I feel like it's a strength. It helps me creatively, it helps me survive when I've been hurt. But it also holds the pain in. It's like a dam that keeps it in so I don't have to let it out.

But sometimes I don't want to be angry because the hurt is still there. I think that maybe if I break down the dam, let go of the anger, the pain will go with it. Because the pain is growing stale. It's over with. It needs to go.

I believe that letting go of my anger will help my spiritual growth.

But I won't let go of too much though...there still needs to be enough angry passion there for song-writing. :)
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