Shannon (shockwave) wrote,

And Once Again, I Write......

Once again, I'm stirred to recognize that I'm in a rut. It's the weather, I'm sure of it.

I want to go out and be brave, I really do, but the cold, combined with a little bit of social anxiety keeps me in. I'm trying, I really am, but those lingering doubts always come in at the most inopportune time. What bugs me is that I'm incredibly self-aware of this, aware that it's the fear that drives me to worry about social situations and what others think of me. I know I can plow through it if I need to, but it's always that doubt that stays. One of the things that holds me back is knowing that at the age I'm at now, it's so hard to meet new people and get rid of old habits.

So, what am I gonna do about it? The same thing I always do. Make out my plan of attack. But this time I want to stick to it. That's the trouble with fear. Even when I make a plan, the fear takes away the cheap adhesive that makes it stick.

Seeing as how next week is my birthday, I really should just make the next year about not giving into fear. Throwing it to the wind. I did a lot of scary things last year, and I think that it's time to do more scary things this year. More things. Better things. Hang out with more people and not let fear get in the way.

After all, why not?
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